Sunday, 23 September 2018

The super massive life update and coming out of hiatus

Hi everyone, I'm finally back! I've really missed blogging, but just have not had the time or mental energy for it. Why? Well, read on if you want a bit of a run down about how crazy my life has been since June.

Content warning I guess; the first in a string of things that knocked me on my arse was problems with my IUD getting embedded in my endometrium so I do talk about period type stuff below. So if uterus talk and blood bug you don't keep reading (or skip ahead to the end for all the other big life changes I've been going through).

So, the months of insanity started when I went for a jog on Sunday the 17th of June. I was starting the C25K program, figuring I had time to complete it before getting married on the last day of August and wanting to do something to get more into shape. However, during the half hour of exercise I started getting cramps. The fun kind of female cramps. I started bleeding shortly afterwards and it didn't stop. It was heavier than spotting, sort of light period level.

Since I'd had the IUD inserted I had occasionally had a bit of cramping and spotting, but this was the second time it had been this bad. Twice was too many so I booked in with a GP to get it removed eight days later (first appointment I could get).

Long story short - she could not get it out. It hurt like hell, I bled a lot, and the end result was that the string was broken and I had to get an ultrasound and go to a gynaecologist. One good thing about having to get an ultrasound was that it confirmed that all in all my uterus and ovaries are healthy (I was worried about ovarian cysts due to family history and irregular periods) but still it was an experience I could've done without. And then I went to the gynaecologist on the 28th.

And fuck me. I thought the GPs attempt at removal was painful. This was so much worse. The receptionist was apparently meant to give me pain killers (she didn't) and unlike the GP appointment, where James came with me and held my hand and distracted me with cute talk, I was on my own (James had to work). Natalie came with me to the clinic, cos she's awesome, but I was in the doctor's office alone. So much pain and so much blood. She had to stop, remove all the implements and give us both a break for a bit, then start again. Finally, she go it out. I saw it; all jagged and bloody and just horrible looking.

It took me ages to be able to stand up and clean myself up. And then Nat and I just sat in the car until I felt steady enough to drive us home. Then I had a shower and collapsed into bed.

Thing is though, the bleeding didn't stop. The gynaecologist had said to come back in two weeks if it didn't stop, and though it had subsided by that date it hadn't stopped. I wasn't able to get another appointment with her for another week after that though. But finally I was there and she prescribed some pills, and lo and behold the bleeding stopped.


Over five weeks of effectively non-stop period really takes it out of you. Not just physically but mentally. I felt like shit, even when the bleeding was slowing down and the cramping stopped, it was still making me so anxious. And on top of that, the removal and earlier attempted removal was traumatic. I don't use that word lightly. I was glad to have had it removed but I felt so awful and wrecked. During those five weeks I not only had to continue going to work most days, but had to help staff a two day conference on the fourth and fifth days after removal; on these days I was bleeding more heavily than I ever had on a period before.

But eventually, once the meds kicked in and the bleeding stopped, things went back to normal. Right? Wrong.

Who caught a nasty flu for over two weeks? I did! Sigh.

And then...guess whose household made a pretty sudden decision to move to a new house? We did! Seriously, we went from "maybe it's time we moved" to having our application approved in two weeks. It's utterly fantastic to be in our new place, and I'll share a few pictures of my lolita corner here at some point but it was just a big added stress, even if it was stress with a very positive end result.

To make it even better...the bleeding started again during the move and I had no time to get to my gynaecologist again (I managed to get the same meds from my GP though, so it was okay in the end, though I only got enough for the few days before the wedding so I was bleeding through a lot of the move). I also got a new nasty virus that resulted in endless coughing, sore throats, and a ruined voice. We were so under-prepared for the move that I had several massive horrible panic attacks during, thinking we couldn't get it all done in time...but we had to because we were flying out to New Zealand! Our landlords also turned nasty (and nice by turns, but nasty first) as soon as they found out we were looking at other properties so the adrenaline was rushing all the time we were there, getting ready for confrontations.

James was also sick in the weeks we moved, and the two of us spent ages not sleeping enough or eating enough and still just having to keep going and get the hell out of our old place. As I still had to go to work most days James copped it so much worse than me, but it was still the most horrible time in my life. Again, end result worth it, but the actual experience was not good at all. It was hellish in so many ways and I will do everything in my power to make sure James and I never have to go through that level of stress again if I can help it. It sucked.

And as you know, on top of that we were still getting everything in order for our little wedding and  honeymoon trip! We got the keys to our new house eighteen days before flying out, and handed over the keys to the old place at 10.30PM on Monday night before getting picked up at 4.45AM on Tuesday to go to the airport. This was my first international trip, so the planning also involved getting passports in order and all of that. It was fun stress, but still stress, and it go more stressful as sickness and the move meant I had so much trouble focusing on anything.

I will be blogging about the whole trip, by the way, I know it's breaking the theme of the blog (except for my wedding outfit), but hey, rambling is in the blog can't say you haven't been warned! It'll be fun though, with lots of pretty pictures. And a heck of a lot more positive than this post has been, because it was wonderful and we did so much cool stuff and most of all I'm just really happy to be wife to a glorious husband now!

So yeah. That whole giant wall of text is why I've been absent from this blog. For a while there I was struggling enough just to get to work every day, let alone to have any headspace for anything but TV and games when I wasn't working or doing what had to be done (and for a while there was precious little time to do anything but move move move).

But I'm through the other side now, more or less. I'm still sick, and I know I have a lot of emotional processing to do that I just didn't have time for. I don't deal well with change and upheaval, and there has just been so much of that in the past six or so weeks. To have that come on the back of long term medical issues and sickness meant I wasn't in a good place to start with. So I'm settled now, and things are coming back to normal, but it will still take me a while to feel properly grounded again. Even writing this has actually brought some residual panic back to the surface (not fun) but I just wanted to share what has been going on. And have a bit of a vent. And also toot my own horn a bit, because it's been so tough for me but I came out the other side in one piece, and though I'm a bit worse for wear now I'll recover.

Also, I do need to toot James's horn as well - he was a powerhouse during our move and after (and before, with the IUD issues, too). He went beyond his limits, took care of me when I was unable to do anything but shake and cry, and even after we've come back from New Zealand he's been unpacking and rearranging and getting everything in order. Since I went back to work I'd come home every day and the house would be more home like. He has always been a great boyfriend, and he's a wonderful husband now ^__^

So here I am, married to the love of my life, living in a lovely new house, and we got to enjoy nine days in New Zealand. There will be one more big life change coming up this year for me (and no, I'm not pregnant, in case anyone's gonna ask) but it'll be a good one when it happens (and I'll let you know about it too).

The long and the short of this very long post is that Roli is back to her ramblings! Did anything dramatic happen in your life while I was away?


  1. Holy crap! Rest well, you deserve it!!

  2. Holy fuck, it sounds like you went through some absolute hell there! I remember a Facebook post you made about the IUD, but I had no idea things got this bad and serious - it's terrifying to think about, let alone go through it. You are an absolute hero and yes, you've every right to toot your own horn. Hell, if it's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, then you should be pretty indestructible for having survived an ordeal like THAT!
    On the flipside, you gushing over your husband is giving me all the feels! (I just came back from a friend's wedding, so am all about that "love is in the air" vibe <3 <3 <3 )
    Take your time, focus on you and on making sure you recover fully. If bloggiing helps you achieve that, then do it, but you're not allowed to put any pressure on yourself over this - because I say so! :P
    Lots of love!

    1. It was pretty rough, all in all, and I appreciate you being a total sweetheart ^__^

      Haha yeah, James and I have been described as "you should be sickening, but you're not" because we're really affectionate but it's just who we are! I love gushing about him lol. And I loved the dress you wore to that wedding, you looked amazing!

      Thanks, and again, you're sweet and I will obey your commands! (though admittedly it feels really good to be blogging again)

  3. Omg OMG! I am so sorry you went through that, but holy crap, you’re a trooper!! I’m so glad you got situated okay in your new home (and congrats!!) and to have such a strong and supportive partner is such a dream! You two seriously deserve some rest. Welcome back, but also take it easy! ❤️

    1. Thank you ^__^ James has been (and always is) amazing. We're getting abck to normal now and it feels great!

  4. Well, quite a lot, I needed a course in mathmatic to access University, however I got the wrong course and dumped it(I was moved in my exam!) so I couldn't access university, I had no alternative education as I had said yes to uni, so I had to find an alternative education, I ended with maths. and my economy is affected too. I have no money at moment. But I haven't been sick. And I could keep the apartment.

    1. That sounds hectic! Education can be a struggle.

  5. Wow, that is so much to go through all at once. I'm so sorry you experienced so much pain and bleeding for such an extended period of time. I hope you won't have to go through anything like that again, and I'm glad you had someone so supportive to help you through what must have been a truly miserable time. I hope life in your new place will bring you lots of happiness, and that you will be able to take the time to look after yourself and process everything fully <3

    1. Yeah, it's be quite a ride! Thanks for being a sweetie ^__^